YOU.

someone like you

2012-01-13T03:52:00.000-08:00

I really hope im good enough for you. Sometimes i feels like im not and that scares me especially now, knowing that i have such ugly skins and eyebags it makes me feel like a shit. I am disgrace towards myself. And this scares me, because im afraid you'll find someone better than me, someone who will give you everything that you ever wanted. Im afraid. Is it crazy to feel this way? Am i good enough for you? Please tell me i am more than enough for you. Please tell me you'll always be here.

''Dear baby, I’m not sure if you will see this or not, but I’m going to say it anyways. I don’t know where to begin to tell you how much you mean to me. You make me happy effortlessly. Whenever I wake up in the morning, just knowing that I have you in my life causes me to smile instantaneously. Even though at times we have our differences and mis-understandings I know that you and I are able to pull through everything and anything, nothing can break us. I hope you know how dear you truly are to me. You hold a significant position in my life and in my heart, and I want it to stay that way because in my eyes no one can compare to you. I want you to know that you are an incredible person and that I love you, endlessly. I pinky promise/put it down/swear. ♡''

to the beat of my heart

2011-12-29T19:43:00.000-08:00

After so long.............. I finally met................. Farisya and Ayu hehehe. I miss them so much and hey, its not easy to meet up w this two busy girls okay.

And so, dear sick girl please get well soon okay? You dont wanna end your 2011 in the hospital right sayang? Get well soon and eat your meds pls dont throw it away like how we used to when we were admitted side by side right? HEHE rindu kenangan lama pls ))))))))))): heh better get well and get discharged soon so at least you can celebrate countdown you know........... and dont have to celebrate countdown at home like somebody HAHAHA OKAY SORRY MEER <3

HEHEHEHE thank you for sending me off ystd baby, youre the sweetest just like optimus prime HAHAHA okay sorry muah muah :*

And you, Rian Amirul Hakim. You may be the most annoying brother most irritating brother on earth but i want you to know that you have been the worst yet the best for me. Ive no one else apart from you, those childhood days when i play games with you and all when i keep pinching your chubby cheeks, my life wouldnt be any better without you around. And now that you've grown up, i want you to keep this in mind, for whatever you do, please think okay? You're old enough to know whats right and whats wrong right? I may not be the best sister you ever have but, i want you to know that i am always here for you no matter what. Goodluck in your future life, pls work hard in secondary school okay? I know you reallyx10000000 adore Melissa but pls shes too old for you. Find another girl okay? MUAH XX I love you adik, love you so much.

ugly

2011-12-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

I FEEL SO HORRIBLE RIGHT NOW AND AT THIS STAGE MY TEARS CAN JUST ROLL DOWN. URGH WHY AM I SO UGLY FML FML FML FML I HATE MYSELF AND I WISH URGH )"':

stupid i always lie about my feelings. be it friends family or whoever i always lie and when they asked me if im okay i will always lie and will just say im fine/okay all those crap when the truth is im not. stupid girl. you know if i can just wish for one thing you know what i would wish for? to be pretty like those girls out there and now that im not, i think i should kill myself

Me you steak

2011-12-28T07:00:00.001-08:00

Belated celebration with family to celebrate Erra Fadzerah's sweet 17! Funny how Erra can get so closed to my family hehehe. Anyway yes, Happy Belated Birthday, sayang :*

Can i just let the pictures do the talking? HEHEHEHE

Happy Belated Ms <3

OKAY LOOK AT MY CHEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :@@@@@@@@@@@ :(((((((((((

Okay, so mind my face......... Ugly but who cares right? I was practically enjoying my steak (hehe are you jealous amirzan?) krik krik!

And lastly...................................

HEHEHEHE BLACK PEPPER SIRLOIN STEAK WELL DONE! *TWO THUMBS UP* HEHEHEHEHEE. Wanna know whats my favourite part of the night? When i get to eat my steak. MMMMMDAP haish can melts while eating it. The sauce............ Ya allah........ So delicious hehehehe. The meat mmmmmm sedap habizzzz. Did i just made my baby jealous? ;P Fav. food siapa huh? Nak sikit tak boy_sakit? Nak tak? ;PPPP So you see, steak is my fav food and steak is his fav food, red is my fav colour red is his fav colour anymore similarities? Dah macam jodoh gitu kan? Oh wait memang kan actually HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH ;P I love you moron, love you so much :*

when you walked out of my life

2011-12-27T05:00:00.000-08:00

Everyday without fail. Daily routine huh? Fights after fights after fights. Fuck it Nuur Ezma Illia, why are you so irritating? Why are you sensitive? Why cant you give and take? Why cant you stop sulking? Im such an irritating ass. Yet again, what can i do? This is how i roll. Take a break.

On a brighter note,

HEHE im so cute right...................? JK! HEHEHE, guess im too obsessed with Spongybob huh? Should really get myself a BB spongebob handphone cover, hehehehe. Obsess much? Tell me about it!

Before i forget, Happy 15th Birthday Nur Erni Melissa! Much misses and love, XOXOXOXO <3

much misses

2011-12-26T20:51:00.000-08:00

so i miss my girls but sad thing i dont have all their pictures in my ipod so bleagh

i miss suci.
and miss her. side track look at my hair so naise hehehehe
and diyanah, hais this girl. too many memories spent with her. secrets, laugh, sleepover, tickles, hugs and kisses, gg each other house, well............. she, is the girl i most spend with. i miss you eeyra, so much. i miss how close we were last time. remember h? HAHAHA h square? LOL how we used to stalk our h? HAHAHA. how you always force me to sleepover your house? remember your birthday? whos the first person to wish you eh? me eh! chey im so sweet. remember the gift i bought for you? birkens sia.............where can get! hehehehe nanti kite buat cover lagi okay? you me forever singing together. and ape eeyra? hai..................kal? HAHAHA! okay boleh nangis sebab rindu kau babi :'')

and my mum! i miss you mama. you go honeymoon and leave me alone, im so sad. i miss you already. i know im such a brat i know you love me, i know im your only girl thus thats the reason why youre so protective of me dont you? but chill mum, i''ll be fine. i love you and i promise i will work hard for N's okay? MUAH SEEE YOU SOON LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD <3333333333333

and lastly, i miss my old self. i find myself weird nowadays. me changing? idk. i just feel weird. god, come back soon old self and LOOK AT MY CHEEKS CB Y SO FAT URGH BYE LAH BYE chey marah eh!

and and and last last last, i miss you most mabms <3

if this isnt love then what it is

2011-12-26T09:15:00.000-08:00

madgirl.

Right, so here goes. first and foremost, i dreamt of you ystd. i wanted to tell you but i was so mad at you :@ so urgh i didnt. now let me answer to your chat text just now. yes, im mad very very mad. look, ive waited for you to online but you didnt. i waited and waited and patiently waited but yet no news from you. ever wonder how worried i was? do you even bother about me? oh wait am i even important to you? because if i dont please let me know so i wouldnt have to you know......... urgh nvm save it. be mad at you for weeks or days huh? well we shall see. "there's no more "us''? what were you thinking? feelings fade that fast huh? come on idiot, feelings dont fade that fast eventhough they grew fast. can you please knock some sense into your brain or anything?

yup, humans make mistakes. each and everyone of us. apologize huh? yes you did, but do you really mean them? you've not seen me this mad before dont you? hah im surprised. usually i cant stay mad at you for a long time but this time round........... i could. wonder why. yes, we never fail to argue and if you were to ask me if its good or bad i would say its.......... a good thing. mum told me that ''kalau kecik2 selalu gaduh dah besar kahwin'' lol is that supposed to be a good thing? i hope so. it kills you inside whenever we fought huh? so tell me how do i feel? happy? ecstatic? excited? or delighted? gosh, obviously it kills me inside too right. negative thoughts? someone told me before "put away your negative thoughts'' apparently he himself have negative thoughts huh? weird much isnt it?

so you think that by leaving me or ending things between us will make me happy huh? NO. i repeat, NO. i'd be lost without you ass. lost. at least now, even thought we're arguing, you can still heal this broken heart but if you were to ever leave who would? the shikari guy? fuck off. you dont know how on earth you mean to me. you mean alot to me you idiot moron asshole. leaving you would be the very last thing i would do. i cant............ i cant, i cant lose you. no matter how mad or how angry angsty i am at you i will still crawl back to you because i love you. its not easy for me to just let you go like that, not easy okay?

dying to meet me huh? as if i dont. okaylah i understand maybe your busy with all your stuff and you need to spend time with your family members and all, yup i get it. but what is so hard for you to actually just dial my number and call me? i dont get it still. you hate talking otp? reason being? idk thats just so weird. okay maybe your different but seriously, you said you dont mind talking to me unless im your girlfriend? what the....... whats the different? you yourself once said "i dont see the different in us, we're like couples already'' so yes whats the fucking different if we were to otp now and when we're attached? okay sorry idk if you would want me to be your girlfriend but seriously whats so hard for you to talk? urgh nvm forget about it i shouldnt drag and dwell about it because at the end of the day....................... you will never call me. oh well, im used to this.

and about my friend? who wouldnt be worried? we have not met not even talk to each other but apparently i talked to marissa instead. cool but well, yeap. we have not done anything together yet we have already fallen inlove with one another. its like i dont even know if you exist you know that? you know like all those pedo all those uncle who desperate for girls and create an msn account and act young all those crimes story that was shown at crime watch? im not trying to say that youre one of those but well im just insecure. yup, i hope that doesnt happen to us. me esp. so yes this is my valid reason why i need to talk to you and meet up with you asap. this amirzan this. because i want to clear my fucking doubts that has been haunting me for so long. all this doubts, i need it to go away. and the only thing that can let it go is by talking to you or meet. and since you're sick and cant meet me any soon, the least we can do is to talk. you get it? think about it. think.

you should know that im not gonna leave and i love you way too much. im sorry, i should give in and take. my ego........... yes girls have ego too you idiot. and my ego is as big as giantx100000000 chey fake. and ''why cant you say you love me too?'' here you go, I love you too Muhd Amirzan. G'night you cheeky monster <3

will you be mine?

2011-12-24T03:38:00.000-08:00

i am such a stupid idiotic girl who have a stupid past and i hate my past and i wish it never exist i wish im dead i wish it never happened i wish my life was perfect i wish my life ugh i wish my life is perfect, P E R F E C T but oh well, who on earth has a perfect life huh?

but whatever. im sure god has his reason why all those shit happened right? whats life without any ups and downs? my life has been raining for so long now and i wonder when will the rainbow appear? despite all this ups and down im facing, i thanked god for someone like my idiot to come into my life and bring colours to it. even though at times, okay most at the times we kept on arguing fighting and all but i just want you to know one thing, i love you despite all that. you're so special to me and i cant even explain why.

and here's one thing i want you to know, for all my mistakes and oklah whatever ive done to hurt you, i apologize okay? i may not be the perfect ideal girl you've been looking for but well, im just not her and i really hope you'd love the way i am and accept my ugly flaws+my idiotic ass attitude. you're the first person i want to talk to when i wake up, the last person before i fall asleep, the one to share good news with, the one to be upset with, the one to be manja with and of course, the one to be cheeky with. Love you, world most idiotic ass moron boy <3

and of course, meer is not the only boy i love right? hehe, that boy on the picture above is my baby. how can i not love him? i was using the laptop when he came and sat next to me and actually asked me for a kiss. hehehe and we played the kissing game(ok idk if this game exist but....... it exist for us right noah? hehe :*) kakak love you so much baby, muah.

Till here, xo. Merry christmas lovely ones <3

please dont go.

2011-12-08T06:57:00.000-08:00

8th december ;

i dont know why im crying right now but.... here goes. things seem to go differently now, its just not like how it used to be before. you know, whenever our conversation gets boring i always have this thinking that you'll get sick and tired and bored of me. idk if its just me alone as a girl to think this way but yes, im such a pessimist.

remember our past convos? remember you once said that "mane boleh justin amek you, you kan i punye?" yes that? remember how you used to say that you cant afford to lose me, not anymore? yes remember all those? where did it went to? idk if you feel the same way, but look im afraid okay? im afraid that one day feelings change and things start to mix up and everything....... ends.

every girl should rather feel insecure. and worst, me being a pessimist and all....... my insecurities acting up and my jealousy :/ its not helping, seriously. i dont know whats there to miss, but i miss you alot. you dont know how much i like you, you dont know how much i care about you, you dont know how much i want to be with you, and you dont know how much i love you. you dont. if only i can open up my heart and show you how much you filled the emptiness in my heart, i would have already done it.

you dont know that i find everything related to you. lyrics, quotes, song, movies -everything. you dont know that i can stay up all night just to talk to you, you dont know how i feel when you said you got to go and the "goodbye" part begins, you dont know that i could talk to you everyday without getting bored, you dont know how i can find you cute/lovely/adorable every single detail of you. you have no idea how much i give in to you, you wont never understand why i am so complicated. well its because of you, you have no idea how much i love you.

i miss you, goodnight sweet dreams xo :')

p/s:

i miss you, old hair :"(

love is blind.

2011-12-07T06:54:00.000-08:00

the first person i think of when i open up my eyes and the last person i think of before i shut my eyes.

"sometimes a stranger can bring great meaning to your life"

ever wonder how you can fall inlove w a stranger? weird isnt it? but well, it happens. its amazing how a stranger can make you smile, laugh, cry, and feel cheeky when you both dont even know e/o in real life! weird but i find it cool, hehe krik krik. for about 2 months+ that boy, has never fail to make me smile. idk what he use or what so ever but hehehehehehe........... at least he make me smile always in all ways :p imagine your crush texting you using another number and he send you a text with no name and no details of him but just a simple text saying "my heart's a stereo, it beats for you so listen close~" HEHE how to not melt someone pls tell me! hais can faint. he he he :*

i cant be sharing everything here right :p but well, thank you for being there for me. and thank you for bearing with my fucked up attitude (pls tell me how you can bear w my attitude because even my parents cannot tolerate with it) but most importantly, thank you for giving me another chance. remember our promises and lets just pray for the best okay? (Natasha Armani and Arryan Qushairee eh? HEHEHE shhhh :p) xo <3

I fell inlove with you a little deeper, everyday. muah xo