madgirl.
Right, so here goes. first and foremost, i dreamt of you ystd. i wanted to tell you but i was so mad at you :@ so urgh i didnt. now let me answer to your chat text just now. yes, im mad very very mad. look, ive waited for you to online but you didnt. i waited and waited and patiently waited but yet no news from you. ever wonder how worried i was? do you even bother about me? oh wait am i even important to you? because if i dont please let me know so i wouldnt have to you know......... urgh nvm save it. be mad at you for weeks or days huh? well we shall see. "there's no more "us''? what were you thinking? feelings fade that fast huh? come on idiot, feelings dont fade that fast eventhough they grew fast. can you please knock some sense into your brain or anything?
yup, humans make mistakes. each and everyone of us. apologize huh? yes you did, but do you really mean them? you've not seen me this mad before dont you? hah im surprised. usually i cant stay mad at you for a long time but this time round........... i could. wonder why. yes, we never fail to argue and if you were to ask me if its good or bad i would say its.......... a good thing. mum told me that ''kalau kecik2 selalu gaduh dah besar kahwin'' lol is that supposed to be a good thing? i hope so. it kills you inside whenever we fought huh? so tell me how do i feel? happy? ecstatic? excited? or delighted? gosh, obviously it kills me inside too right. negative thoughts? someone told me before "put away your negative thoughts'' apparently he himself have negative thoughts huh? weird much isnt it?
so you think that by leaving me or ending things between us will make me happy huh? NO. i repeat, NO. i'd be lost without you ass. lost. at least now, even thought we're arguing, you can still heal this broken heart but if you were to ever leave who would? the shikari guy? fuck off. you dont know how on earth you mean to me. you mean alot to me you idiot moron asshole. leaving you would be the very last thing i would do. i cant............ i cant, i cant lose you. no matter how mad or how angry angsty i am at you i will still crawl back to you because i love you. its not easy for me to just let you go like that, not easy okay?
dying to meet me huh? as if i dont. okaylah i understand maybe your busy with all your stuff and you need to spend time with your family members and all, yup i get it. but what is so hard for you to actually just dial my number and call me? i dont get it still. you hate talking otp? reason being? idk thats just so weird. okay maybe your different but seriously, you said you dont mind talking to me unless im your girlfriend? what the....... whats the different? you yourself once said "i dont see the different in us, we're like couples already'' so yes whats the fucking different if we were to otp now and when we're attached? okay sorry idk if you would want me to be your girlfriend but seriously whats so hard for you to talk? urgh nvm forget about it i shouldnt drag and dwell about it because at the end of the day....................... you will never call me. oh well, im used to this.
and about my friend? who wouldnt be worried? we have not met not even talk to each other but apparently i talked to marissa instead. cool but well, yeap. we have not done anything together yet we have already fallen inlove with one another. its like i dont even know if you exist you know that? you know like all those pedo all those uncle who desperate for girls and create an msn account and act young all those crimes story that was shown at crime watch? im not trying to say that youre one of those but well im just insecure. yup, i hope that doesnt happen to us. me esp. so yes this is my valid reason why i need to talk to you and meet up with you asap. this amirzan this. because i want to clear my fucking doubts that has been haunting me for so long. all this doubts, i need it to go away. and the only thing that can let it go is by talking to you or meet. and since you're sick and cant meet me any soon, the least we can do is to talk. you get it? think about it. think.
you should know that im not gonna leave and i love you way too much. im sorry, i should give in and take. my ego........... yes girls have ego too you idiot. and my ego is as big as giantx100000000 chey fake. and ''why cant you say you love me too?'' here you go, I love you too Muhd Amirzan. G'night you cheeky monster <3
I really hope im good enough for you. Sometimes i feels like im not and that scares me especially now, knowing that i have such ugly skins and eyebags it makes me feel like a shit. I am disgrace towards myself. And this scares me, because im afraid you'll find someone better than me, someone who will give you everything that you ever wanted. Im afraid. Is it crazy to feel this way? Am i good enough for you? Please tell me i am more than enough for you. Please tell me you'll always be here. 
